immensely grateful for the people around me who bother trying to make me happier/ less stressed,
wileen gave me a packet of my favourite sherbets and even looked out for more green colored ones (because I love them to death);
amanda was counselling me and her love for me (ha ha corny max) just moves me;
xx who made me laugh with his stupidity and all his encouraging talks;
and my mother whom I mustered the courage to talk to her about my intolerance towards the fucked up education system here and she just told me that she will support me in whatever I do and I told her that I wanna go US for my university education and all she did was agree to my request although I’m the only daughter and without me in Singapore, it will make a really big difference to her life but her selfless love for me was like encapsulated in one sentence which went along the lines of “just do whatever you think is right for you, mommy will always support you” I’m just really touched at my parents’ love for me which will always be something I can never fully express in words I’m just so thankful to the “me” in my previous life who has probably reaped great karma to have such a blissful life now
ok I just hope I will get stronger mentally now and trust God that everything will work out fine x
Having mental breakdowns everyday and am starting to detest interacting with people. I have no idea what changed me into such a broken and disgusting (because I hate wallowing in self pity but now I am reduced to someone only capable of pitying myself like seriously my self pity soars higher than mt everest) person.
I have tried all ways, from binging which only makes everything worse due to my never ending weight issues and the weight demon which has been floating in my mind since 2 years ago to watching variety shows for the entire day but I will start breaking down for no reason and my feelings are oscillating between both ends of a spectrum?
I feel like I am going crazy. Nothing is making it better. Nothing.
I really hate how horrible a person I have turned into.
I am disgusted, so so so disgusted. Sometimes I wonder why a person like me still deserves the chance to live on.
I just want to be thin and pretty and funny and cute and mentally stable